Did I tell you I had a tick on me last week? I had a tick on me. It was on my lower back, and I thought I was going to throw up. Ticks may be nothing to you, especially you in the South, who find enjoyment in the hunt and demise of ticks; I lived in Michigan. I heard of ticks, but never once saw one, and I was quite the Xylana. If I were to ever be on the show "Fear Factor" (uh-oh, she just dated herself), I would have to go home at the site of multiple ticks. Ticks are only good on cartoons and TV shows, and I hope you get that reference (in my mind I am hearing the distant cry of "Batmanuel!").
I don't mean to be a nature basher. I love nature. Save the whales and polar bears. Heck, I don't even scare rabbits and squirrels out of my garden, and I have a nest of yellow jackets that coexist quite peacefully with me and my brood of pets. I even stopped killing spiders. But come ON, what is the biological reason for a tick!?!?! Creationist, evolutionist, alienist, I don't care what you believe, you can't come up with a good reason for the existence of ticks. Can you imagine being the creature that is known for spreading disease? Can this creature really exist just to "thin out" populations of animals and people? I shudder. SHUDDER, I tell you.
So, here is my thought on how ticks came to be.
Ticks were actually formed as spiders, but they lacked the desire to create webs up high where insects would be prone to become ensnared (evil is often lazy in this regard). They also felt the fine web material they released to be beneath them and thought other insects and arachnids would see them as feminine. They formed a posse and decided, for the good of the group, which of COURSE was inherently evil, they would breed with insects and take off the extra two legs of their offspring, as in a ceremonial mass bris type situation (this in NO way implies that Jewish people are evil. We are talking ticks, the bane of existence. I am not speaking in metaphor). After 3 generations of breeding with insects (poor insects...didn't see the ticks coming like Vikings across the sea), they lost their silk, and, having really no place to live, settled in low lying, wet and cool areas (this is the reason I am so happy to have a dryer today). They then bit each other in territorial wars, and realized they had a penchant for blood, but ticks really didn't supply enough (ohhh, they're vampires!), and they realized cannibalizing their own tribe was detrimental to the population (oh my gosh, a tick realized something! The horn of destiny honks!). They began their experiments of terror, biting and latching on to ducks and birds (can you imagine living off someone else's blood? Ewwwww). They would not be stopped (evil is often ambitious in this regard), and continued to campaign across creation for thousands of years, swelling to the size of golf balls (gluttony) and eventually dying of obesity (ha ha ha ha ha).
I have no end to the story, as there are still ticks, but my hope is that one day every tick in the world is attracted to a trojan horse of some kind, and they all latch on to eat, and none of them survive the engorging. I mean, seriously, with all these vampire books and movies, we actually have a creature that only dies when set on fire to implode. Wow, this post got kind of gross.
Anyway, I hate ticks. Could you tell?
Today's song of the day is Based on quotes from the Tick (the live action show from 2001), in an attempt to assuage my passion against ticks.
"You're on a first name basis with lucidity, little friend. I have to call it "mister" lucidity... and that's no good in a pinch."
"Gravity is a harsh mistress"
"Death. The eternal blink. The capricious dance of Now Ya Stop Movin' Forever. Well contrary to popular belief, death isn't just for dead people. It can happen to anyone. I know, it's news to me too. And it's not just people either, it's all kinds of stuff. Horses, fiddler crabs. Did you know that even a potato... can die?"
"When society says jump, we say pass the salt"
So, a snippit of a song. It's "Hey, Mr. Caution" by Eddie Constantine.
Hmmmmm. I can't seem to post the file. LAME. Like ticks. I will figure out something else.
well, here is another song. Today's song of the day is NOW:
