My Little Phenomenons...

Yesterday was a good day. It had little phenomenons in it. Wednesday is kind of my Monday, because I am off on Tuesdays...nevermind. Usually I am groggy and everything goes wrong on Wednesdays. I woke up, had a lovely breakfast with a friend I hadn't seen in a while, and went to Bath and Body works to pick up my splurge of "Twilight Woods" (clarification: this is not because I am a raging Twi-hard, this is because it smells AMAZING.) It was funny, b/c I had lent her the last 3 of my Twilight books, and she gave them back at breakfast. Then I found a random book in my car, and it was the first Twilight book, and then I had the stuff. I repeat, I am not a raging Twi-hard.

I then went to work and worked 2 hours, caught up on things, and had not much left to do (besides, they were having a hard time affording me), so I left and went to the gym. I put on my swimsuit and went to the pool, marveling that the scale said I was another 2lbs lighter (liar), and stepped in with one foot, when I realized I hadn't showered. I went back in, hosed off, came out, got in (everyone caught up now? Good). The pool was active, but not crowded, and then I realized I was the only female. In a pool that usually accommodates seniors, who I am comfortable with, 3 of these guys were young, upwardly mobile previous frat boys. Crap. So I did my thing. Whatever. Then 2 more came and sat there, watching everything. After about 3 minutes, I thought maybe if I vacated my lane they wouldn't watch. Yay! They just wanted a lane to themselves...the open lane wasn't good enough or something. So whatever, I went to the open lane, which was shared by 2 men; one in his early 40s, and one power walking 72 year old that just had back surgery. This would not be anything of note, except that 40's guy was the biggest splasher in the world. Both legs out of the water, arms hitting the water like a fat kid doing a canon ball, constantly spraying all of us in the mouth and eyes. One guy, as he was getting out, said, "please tell me I don't look like that." No. You look like the guy who wears skin colored shorts, bordering on Speedos, and likes to walk around in them (on the inside). I have issues with skin colored clothes.

Anyway, when things started getting even more crowded (with men), I stood in the corner and did yoga twists and stretches, treading water and doing pullups. 72 year old power walker (he's really fast...I can't keep up with him) mentioned I wouldn't get anywhere standing still. I acknowledged my self consciousness about being in the pool with lots of people, and especially men. He was not helpful. "Of course we look. We're old, not dead. Doesn't mean anything." Great.

So I left the pool eventually, proud I stayed my half hour, showered and went home. Captain awesome had some tailoring he wanted done, so I took some things to the mall for him, and went to Old Navy while I waited. I wanted some new Sweetheart Jeans, and they were on sale. I tried on the size smaller, with no hope whatsoever, and they fit! Really comfortably, but I could see my muffin top a little more, so I bought the same size I had. I figured I could buy one pair now, and when I was truly the next size down, I could get more. I found some tops, too, by some miracle, and left feeling pretty good.

By this time it was almost 4, and I hadn't eaten since 8:30. I was feeling really hungry. In a mall, what are my choices...anyone? I walked past the dairy queen with the karmelcorn, and THROUGH the entire food court, up to each vendor. And I didn't buy a thing. I was AMAZED at my will. I went to Barnes and Noble (yes, THAT Barnes and Noble) and contemplated the ease of soup (not much). I looked at all their pastries and was able to get out with just buying a water. I was on cloud nine. The lady offered me a fresh oatmeal cookie, and I said, "you know, I do want one, but I am so proud that I was able to walk past that cabinet." She said she understood and wouldn't suggest screw ups for me. Nice girl :)

I went home, noshed some almonds, went out with Captain Awesome to run errands, and hit my staff meeting at 8. And I had energy for it!!! And, I skipped the cake that was brought in. I rocked yesterday. Let's see if I can do this today too :)

Today's song of the day is the Hamster Dance. C'mon. Do it with me!

http://listen.grooveshark.com/#/s/Hamster+Dance/RrUj0

What's That Gym? Time to Go See You? Snooze button?

So I haven't written in a while. This has come to my attention by various readers of my blog, some of whom I did not know exist. While I have been busy and falling into new routines, I still love to write, and miss telling you stupid stories about what I am up to. Not that it's all about me...but it is in here, actually.

So this week I started swimming again. I love to swim. To feel light and airy, to watch the waves break before you, to move along silently while under the water everything is moving. I used to swim all the time. Yesterday during my laps I remembered the summer I learned how to swim at Interlochen Arts Camp, under the tutelage of Twink, a lovely woman that is no longer with us. At Interlochen there were 2 places to swim. Safe in the shallow area and out past the buoys, where I was certain life was terrifying. You had to take a 15 minute swim test just to go out past the line of buoys. In my 5 year old head it was another world. If I have a regret about this, it is that I never, not once, took the 15 minute swim test to see if I could do it (to be fair, I thought if I tread water for 15 minutes, I would be too tired to swim back in, and I would drown). But I digress. One day, Twink took us all out to the raft to test our skills in swimming. We had to jump off the raft and swim about 8 feet to her, waiting with her arms open to catch us. I was the last one in. I climbed off the raft backwards, and turned around in the water. I ducked underwater and swam to Twink, looking for her suit in the water. What I actually saw was murky water with algae growing from the bottom, but I remember so clearly in my mind how it looked like an aquarium; coral and tropical fish, sunlight cutting through all the clear blue water to highlight an anemone. I will never know why I remember it that way, but I do. Anyway, due to the murky water, I couldn't make out Twink's form, until I ran into her bosom, floating out halfway of the suit, which DID look like an aquarium. She was so proud of me, and I was so proud of myself, but that was the last time I was out that deep in that lake.

These thoughts came to me yesterday as I was swimming the length of the pool at the gym, using the breast stroke and chasing the ripple in front of me. It was so Zen to make the ripple, see the ripple, chase the ripple. I just focused on that, and I never needed a break.

My first return trip to the pool was not so lovely. Tuesday I decided that I was going to go to the pool, no excuses. I packed a gym bag and put my suit on under my clothes so there would be no drawn out preparation that could deter me. Funny how something like this can make it feel like junior high all over again. I checked in and took look at the pool; full. Ugh! I will still do this, it may be less busy by the time I get out, I told myself. If I walk out now, everyone on the ellipticals will see that I checked in and walked out. I walked into the locker room and didn't know where to sit. I chose a place and took off my shoes, socks and pants. Then I sat down and stared into space as the motivation conversation began in my head like the angel and devil that sit on your shoulders (you know the ones): oh no. I didn't shave. I can't go in the pool. And my skin is so dry, what is chlorine going to do to my skin? I can't do this. I don't have a swim cap, my hair is going to turn green. I should really go. Then the other side started to state its case: You're already here. Your suit is on. No one will notice your legs. You will feel so much better when you are done. You love the water. You're going snorkeling in 17 days, you really need to be able to stay in the water. You'll never be ready if you don't take the first step... on and on they went while I sat in my shirt and stared off to the right. After about 7 minutes of this, I looked up and saw the same look on the face of the woman sitting across from me, clearly having a similar conversation in her head, but in Hmong. We both sat there, unmoving in our swim suits, staring, clearly terrified of taking off that shirt. It was then that I went to autopilot and stood up, taking my shirt off and heading to the showers. I dug deep to find that confidence problem I have, in that I am OK with myself on most occasions. Fake it til it's true, right?

I came out of the shower and saw that she was also coming out of the shower, and I followed her to the pool door. She went out and immediately turned around to go back inside the locker room, passing me on her way back in. I stopped and turned around as she turned to give me a helpless look. I squared my shoulders and said, "can we do this?" and she straightened up her back and said hesitantly, "yes," and then disappeared back into the locker room. I got in the pool, which was not much less crowded, but worked out OK with 2 older men power walking and talking about their Bose radios and some converter to record DVD movies onto VHS (What???? WHY?). A lane opened up, and I left it open, hoping my commiserate would see it and come out. After about 5 minutes, she did. She swam to the other end of the pool and stood in the corner in the sun doing stretches and kicking up water. In an odd way it motivated me to just keep moving. I only spent a half hour in the pool, but I kept moving. It didn't really seem odd to me until I told my friend about it and she found it fascinating! :P

So, I went back on Friday, after calling my friend and asking her to remind me that I was NOT, in fact, too tired to go to the gym, and how great I'd feel after (and I did). The scale said I was down 2 pounds from Tuesday, but I don't believe it. I don't know how it could lie, but it is.

So, today's song of the day is twofold;

This song because it was on at the gym, and I just really like to move to it. But it's not how I'm feeling, I just love the beat.

But, in honor of my lame attitude I have about myself, and the stupid extent to which I need to motivate myself, today's song is: