I think I need a nurse...

I'm sick.  I know this because....well because I am admitting it.  I never admit when I'm sick. Also, last night, my neighbors had a massive Pot Smoking festival, and the smell made me so nauseated, I knew I must be sick.  Normally when Marijuana seeps through the walls, I get the munchies.  I've had no interest in food and still don't.

It started off as a mild Sinus irritation I attributed to all the dust at work, but yesterday exploded into a high fever and dizziness (actual dizziness, not blonde dizziness).  I had Captain Awesome come get me early from work (he had a fever too), and we were asleep by 4pm.  It was sleep, but that frenzied, fever sleep, you know?  My whole body was shivering, but my lips were on fire.  I could not speak, and all my thoughts were in Shakespearian English, and I think iambic pentameter to boot.  In my delirium, all I remember is thinking something like, "I do not condemn your family, but your treatment of them, the very basis of which gives rise to your villainy."  I think I was talking to Liam Neeson.  I could not, for the life of me, form any modern sentences.  This is a big deal because typically my stream of consciousness flows in Jane Austen speak, not Shakespeare.  To be fair, I did just watch "Much Ado About Nothing" last weekend.  I woke up with my pillow soaked around my head, and I think my fever had broke somewhere in there.

I am not at work today.  My plan was to go in and try to get through it, because my boss is out of town, and I knew things would be bare schedule wise.  Last night I called another one of my bosses, and we worked out a plan.  For this I am very grateful.  I did not realize how ill I feel.  I have been up for one hour, and am presently returning to that bastion of rest, my bed. That's the update from the ole' homestead at the moment.

Now Here's the Story All About How...

...My life got twist-turned upside down...Wow. I can't say I have woken up with the Fresh Prince of Bellaire theme song in my head since 8th grade. I know it's 8th grade, because I was sitting in Margo Sirrine's English class (which I LOVED), and we had one of those directional/trivia sheets to get to know each other at the beginning of the year. The items were numbered 1-20, and some were questions, and some were directions. The first one said, "Read this entire page before you answer anything." One of the other questions was, "What show comes on Tuesdays (or whenever it came on)," and I started to write the Fresh Prince, when I remembered the instructions said to read the entire page before answering. So I was one of 2 people who only filled out my name and turned it in because the last item said, "Write your name on the top of this paper and only do #1." Yay me. This has absolutely NOTHING to do with why I write today. How is that for a stream of consciousness? Any psych students doing case studies? No? Well, you are now. :)

I write to tell you the tale of how Captain Awesome turned a boring, particularly cold and frigid January into a month of luck and fortune. I can see you there, on the edge of your seat. Let us begin.

The year started out like any other, excepting that out of sheer exhaustion, New Year's Eve was spent doing laundry and in bed by 10. Two people cold, bored, and unsatisfied with their life at the moment (go to work when it's dark, come home when it's dark) had only the St. Paul Winter Carnival Medallion Hunt to anticipate with any glee. This tradition, however, did not begin until January 22, and that seems like an eternity in the frozen tundra that is the East Metro.

On January 6th, on my way to work, I happened to hear that there was a pineapple hunt sponsored by Sun Country Airlines and KS95 that was happening at that moment. The winner received a trip for 2 to Mexico (Mazatlan, to be exact), and a slot as a judge for the Ugliest Hawaiian Shirt Contest the following Tuesday (this winner ALSO won a trip to Mazatlan). I thought it might be nice practice for the medallion hunt, and called Captain Awesome to tell him about it. I didn't think much of it until I got a call at 4pm while I was at work, and he was at the Mall of America, sure the pineapple was there. He stayed until 8, and we met at home. No luck. The next day we took off work a bit early and went back to the MOA to search for it. We knew it was on the East side of the Mall, and was either in Nickelodeon Universe (an amusement park in the mall themed in Spongebob Squarepants) or Underwater Adventures. Our guts told us it was in Underwater Adventures, but to go in, you needed a ticket, and we really didn't believe we would have to pay to find the pineapple. There was a guard standing at the escalator, and we wrote it off.

At about 3:58pm, KS95 read the final clue: The pineapple was at Underwater Adventures, and if you said the password ("Mazatlan or BUST!") you could gain access to it. We ran and called the password over our shoulders as we passed the guard. We went around the corner...and just missed the winner by about 3o seconds. Facebook had the clue 2 minutes earlier than the station, and I did not have the notification sent to my phone. Technology spoils another hunt!!!! We went to Bubba Gumps and told the bartender we were in great need of consolation, which arrived in the form of some fruity Beachy drinks with umbrellas, on the house. That was nice. We lamented our loss and the fact that we were not rule breakers, or we would have found it first. After a couple of fruity drinks, I sent a text message to KS95. It went like this: "FYI, we wanted to look for the pineapple @ Underwater Adventures, but the signs prohibited us. And Facebook beat you with the clue." I felt satisfied, and we went home.

About 7pm I got a text. It was from Sun Country Airlines, which had received my forwarded text. The sender was apologetic about the confusion, and in consolation for second place, she offered us 2 first class upgrades for free on any Sun Country flight. I thought that was actually really cool, though I had no travel plans. It's always a good thing to have in your pocket. I thanked her profusely, and went to bed consoled with umbrella drinks and a future flight in First Class. I dreamed about what Ugly shirt I might wear, bought of course at a thrift shop I had yet to visit. The contest was the following Tuesday, and this was Friday, but I had plans to sweep it.

Monday, January 10th, I went to work and was accosted by cranky Minnesotans who, in their winter blubber have forgotten all manner of manners, including a simple "hello" or "excuse me" before bombarding me with questions, aimed at my back. It was a particularly rough day, finished with a teeth scraping dental appointment, and when I came home, Captain Awesome tossed a piece of paper at me. It was very cryptic. It was bulleted and had odd half sentences. "Teri has a crush on her chiropractor." "There was a dream about a baseball player." I stared at the sheet, not able to make any sense out of it, my eyes burning from my long day and the exhaustion. He began to tell me that the same radio station, KS95, was having a contest, and if you could answer questions about what they had talked about all day in between songs, you could win a trip to Cancun, Mexico (through Sun Country, of course). He listened all day. He called. It rang for over 6 minutes. The first three people missed the first question. He was caller four. He gave all the answers in a matter of fact, academic tone. "That answer would be..." When he answered the last question, the DJ's rejoiced!!!! And the air was dead. It went like this: "Hello??? Do you have a pulse? You just won a trip to Mexico, you realize that, right?" And there he was, cool as a cucumber, pulling a Korbin Dallas from the Fifth Element: "Yeah. Thanks." I told him that's a DJ's nightmare, and I could picture them in their studio, putting their mikes on mute and SCREAMING. Then I asked (very selfishly), "Can we still go to the Ugly Shirt Contest tomorrow?"  I had the shirt you see in the photos....Hibiscus flowers and Woody Station wagons decorated in American Flags?  HOW COULD THAT BE BEAT?!?!?

When he told me, I didn't believe him. A) that he had won, and B) that he was so cool about it. It wasn't until the next day I was driving to work and I heard the promo on the radio. "Call in and play Know The Show and win a trip to Mexico!!!" They played little blurbs of previous winners, there was Captain Awesome in the promo saying, "Well that answer would be 7." Then it started to sink in.  I needed to get to the gym and a tanning bed, STAT. :)

We went to the Ugliest Shirt Contest on Tuesday. We didn't care if we won. We were hoping to come in third, and win a first class upgrade so we could travel first class both ways. I had gone to Goodwill and picked up 6 choices, and we chose some doozies. We accessorized with coupons, brochures, sunscreen and my 35mm digital camera on a strap around my neck. Suddenly I got really cold feet. Just like (my mother reminded me) when I went to audition for the Nutcracker and chickened out at the last minute because there were so many dancers there when I was a kid. I chickened out again. There were some truly horrid shirts, and I didn't feel like I had any right to take any pictures. Nobody was talking to anyone else, it was awkward. Captain Awesome bought me a mojito and talked me into it again. I clumsily got in line, and there was no audience anymore...everyone who was sitting was now waiting to strut their stuff on the catwalk.

So here I am, standing in line, watching those before me do a little dance (which I did not know we were doing until this moment), when this woman walks up to me. "Hi," she says, "I am with Sun Country, and I noticed you have a pretty nice camera there. The guy I hired is not taking any pictures, and I'd like to hire you. I'll give you 2 free first class upgrades, how does that sound?" My face immediately turned red, and I think I had to pick my jaw up off the floor. I instantly turned into a photomaking machine. A machine, I say. I took about 300 pictures over the next hour. AND, I made the top 15, thanks to my Napolean Dynamite dance (why I didn't Riverdance that second time, I will never know...I couldn't decide how to move, so I went for stupid). I took some fun pix of the winner, who can now, FINALLY go on a Honeymoon, though he has been married for years. He did go all out with a grass skirt and paint his belly. Take a look, at the OFFICIAL Sun Country Facebook Page. All mine. And they even gave me photo credit. We spent a bit of time with them after the show, and we shared our good fortune and told them C. Awesome had won a trip the night before. The winner's wife instantly flew into a frenzy. "That was YOU!?!?!? I wanted to slap you!!! You were SO cool, SO cool, like, 'Yeah. Thanks." Ohh, I was screaming at the radio, I want to slap you right now, but I won't! Oh! Oh! I bet those DJ's were pulling out their hair behind their microphones!!!!!"

So there it is. The next Thursday we went and picked up our information from the radio station, called Sun Country and asked if we could put the upgrades I earned towards the trip he won, and they set everything up. We went Feb 3-7, and that, dear ones, is another entry entirely.

For now, the Fairy Tale pauses. More to come soon, dear readers. Good Night.

PS: We didn't find the medallion this year either. We were WAY off, which is actually a consolation. The last 3 years, we've literally been within a foot of it, or walked right over it. Right over $10,000