Hello, dear reader.
I don't know if you've ever worked in retail, but let me tell you, it is a surreal world, one where customers can sexually harrass you with no recourse, and where your management really wants to make sure you're properly trained, but there's just so much to do. At my particular store, the interactions are often bizzare, I usually start looking for hidden cameras. Examples, you say? You must have examples now? Ok.
-Every morning the inflatable Santa looks like he took a bender and passed out in the Christmas trees. He has to be propped up for the air to inflate all the way. It makes me laugh every day, and my new buddy in that department shares in my amusement, asking that I not fix it until after he comes in to work. No problem.
-Someone asked me where some piece of inventory went, and I didn't know. 15 minutes later, they walk by and tell me where it went. I say, "Oh good, thanks for telling me, now I know." You may think the response is, "surely," or "you betcha" or something equally serene. No. The retort is a snappy, "well, I'm just TELLING you, I thought you'd want to know! Geesh!" There have been times where I am caught by a customer or coworker with a bewildered look on my face, trying to fathom what just happened. Honestly.
-99% of the customers who ask me for help end up standing there while I read the label in front of them and tell them what they want to know. They just need me to stand there and read the back of the bottle. What?
-85% of the customers who come in looking for window and door treatments think I can solve all their problems, even though they don't bring me any information about anything. Then they get angry because they don't want to cut their own plastic. They use words like "asshole" and "Greedy stupid bitches," which I know aren't aimed at me, but c'mon! Is it really such a hard thing to believe that doors and windows are different sizes and so hard to cut your own measurements? Why are you yelling at me? That guy you called an asshole for ignoring you? He was on break, and you walked in to the breakroom to ask him a question. He didn't hear you because the of the iPod. True story.
-I have received more sexist comments and gross pick up lines than anyone ever thought possible. Really terrible ones too. I actually thought I was going to get my butt grabbed today, and turned my body. How wrong is that? Can I sue a customer for sexual harrassment? Someone get me a law student, get me Elle Woods! Am I supposed to take some kind of pleasure in the fact that some gross old guy thinks I'm cute enough to offend so entirely? ick.
There are a lot of rules, that you learn as you go. Here is a small list of some of the first rules I've discovered.
Rules of Retail (so far):
-The customer may always be right, but the team members get the last word....after they leave.
-Just because your coworker is a nice-looking lady in her mid forties, doesn''t mean she's nice. She will flat out ignore you, and sigh and throw stuff around when irritated (not even Team Member Valkyrie!), making you feel very pariah-like.
-You will get injured. Pretty much every day.
-Don't extend your knife all the way.
-Politics exist, on a scale yet to be invented.
The Song of the Day today is:
Angry People, by the Barenaked Ladies
http://listen.grooveshark.com/#/song/Angry_People/7476882
Classic. I win, they don't drag me down. They make me laugh :)
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