Like the new banner today? Someone made it for me. It's awesome (sorry, Irish friends, it's outstanding!). It's kind of a big deal :).
Yesterday was Labor Day, so I took the day off. Yes, that is a joke. But I did vacate my worries and fears for a day. That was kind of fun. I watched some of the marathon of The Office on TBS, and I was able to enjoy the fact that I don't have a boss like Michael Scott. He's alright as a character, even as a friend (hmm...maybe acquaintance), but thank Heaven I don't work for him. Anyway, to the point of what I did yesterday (nerd alert: you may want to skip this part if you see yourself as "cool"...wait, what am I saying. If you see yourself as "cool," leave now, as "cool" people find the bright side a thorn in theirs.), it was satisfying. I got my free credit report and went over all 23 pages meticulously, making notes all over the margin. I took the letter that came last week, about which I wrote an entire blog entry (incidentally, this card claims perfect performance on my credit report), and I wrote them a letter back, on their paper. I told them I reject their terms, I reject them as a creditor, and I reject their customer service, which has done a very poor job defending their arbitrary "policies." I cut up all 6 cards they sent me (I only needed one in the first place, there's another place you can save money!) into 1/2 centimeter pieces and put those in the letter as well. That was fun. I only owe them $380.00. I'll be done soon enough. I wrote an extra effigy on the back of the envelope, telling them to lord their arbitrary policies over someone else, and I addressed it to the "Arbitrary-Bad-Business-Account Services" department. I wonder if they will get the right message. I'm sure they get a lot worse, but I felt better.
As I write this, I have an aged cat screaming at me. I am eating cereal and, much like Lady Catherine DeBurgh, she must have her share in the conversation. Now, before you put me in the category of "Cat Woman," You should know she's not my cat. That's right. My boyfriend had a pre-existing cat and dog when I came along. Each morning she starts howling between 5 and 7am. You'd think she was starving to death. Each morning I see her bowls are full with food and water, she's eaten some of the plant leaves, and there is no reason for such a display. I really should film it, and send it to AFV. She's looking for the gourmet canned catfood, so that she can lick the gravy off the top and be done with it. She doesn't even eat it. The pets here are the most spoiled pets on the planet; they only drink bottled water, they have the most expensive treats and food, they get served extra servings of the good stuff once a day, and don't even mention a leash to the dog; he doesn't know what to do with it. He assumes that it's meant for him to douse it in pee. At least he knows it's his. But I digress.
If you know me, you know that I like Oscar Wilde quips and plays. A friend sent me a quote the other day, to assist in the plight of my life (how dramaaaatic). Here's the quote, and my subsequent ambivalence about it:
"It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating." - Oscar Wilde
Here is where I find him charmingly befuddled (random quote from "Family Guy, please forgive it); I don't disagree that a permanent income is better than wit, but why would he of all people say this? His entire income came from being witty and fascinating. It seems to me the only people able to get a job in this economy are those that are fascinating, which I thought I was...clearly I have not thought this through. Maybe I spoke prematurely; maybe I should just tell you I'm ambivalent and leave it at that. The trouble is, many of those that read this blog may interpret ambivalence as some sort of apathy. I'm not apathetic, I am definitely ambivalent. According to the freedictionary.com, ambivalence is "the coexistence of opposing attitudes and feelings...to a person, object or idea." It's not that I don't care, I'm just torn about it in my mind. I hate to say it, but I feel like fascination and income are inter-dependent. That is just sad. But what of we who have fascinating features (I don't mean to sound narcissistic, I find fascination in the world and write it down, this is what I mean...besides, I don't see me drowning because I love the way my reflection looks) and still spend hours each day trying to network and apply and be part of the work force in America? A fascinating person could be a killer, a psychopath, a Caliban. To an employer, it doesn't matter. The more charming and ego-feeding a person, the better chance of getting a job.
Why does this thought repulse me so much? The thought of going into a place where I don't even really want to work, just to say "yes, I think management is always right, and I never question it. No, I have no desire for advancement..." makes me physically ill. The management has to know that these people are lying, but it's what they want to hear. This is a huge flaw in American business. It allows the poor of heart and those with low morals into the work force, only to advance and continue their pattern of unethical behavior, only to end up in situations like Enron, or the financial collapse of 2008. YET, businesses have not learned that it is better to hire an honest, hard working person with ambition than a robot who can tell a joke. So, Mr. Wilde, this is my answer. In order to achieve a permanent income (even one that may collapse because of your "fascination"), one must be fascinating. There is no place for an honest, hard working, realistic person in American business. People who are pure of heart are not what makes the big bucks, as Mr. Wilde was well aware. I think that's been the underlying frustration this entire time. The paradox of background and drug tests against the art of flattery and fascination.
So today, I continue on. I weigh the gray area, and decide if I am willing to say what they want to hear, so that I may continue to survive. It could be worse; I could have to find a speech to impress Michael Scott!
Today's Song of the Day is by Toby Mac; Lose My Soul, especially verse 2. Here, I'm going to cut and paste verse 2. It's good.
http://listen.grooveshark.com/#/song/Lose_My_Soul/319227
video: http://www.tangle.com/view_video?viewkey=fe90b530a0b632a409ad
Here's verse 2:
The paparazzi flashes, and that they think that it's you,
But they don't know that who you are is not what you do,
True, we get it twisted when we peak at the charts,
Yo before we part from the start,
Where's your heart?
You a pimp, hustler?
Tell me what's your title,
America has no more stars, now we call them idols,
You sit idle, While we teach prosperity,
The first thing to prosper should be inside of me.
We're free...
Not because of 22's on the range,
But Christ came in range, we said yes now we changed,
Not the same, even though I made a fall,
Since I got that call, no more Saul, now I'm Paul.
PS: This video cracks me up. I'm not money hungry (I often say I hate money), I'm just looking to survive here, but this is kinda cool.
"Satan on the Economy"
http://www.tangle.com/view_video?viewkey=291a832979049a0f54b2&mui=6974c0a9b90143e37db255f6dee6ff9d
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