Those of you who follow my blog will notice today that my blog looks different, and is in a new location. This morning I was trying to explain to my boyfriend my level of fear and panic about all the things in my life that I don't control (like everything), and he noted that I'm not looking at the bright side, as I typically do. He's right, I've always been a bright side kind of girl (you'd be surprised at some of the bright sides I've found in bizzare situations). So, he has given me an assignment to write all the things I have accomplished, so that I will stop being psycho and freaking out about everything. Can you imagine, ME being tough to live with? :P Thus, the new name and the new look to the blog. Somehow it became a mission statement. I know I need to learn patience; this is why I haven't asked for it, because I can't handle getting it! :) I'm no dummy!
So here we go:
-I got my rejection email from Macy's today. They're right; I'm far to qualified for their part time job, and would want to advance; they should fear my advancement, because it is imminent.
-I am a published writer! I have a blog. It may be random bits of meltdown, but it's mine, and I enjoy spending time with it (I almost wrote thyme...apparently I'm in garden withdrawl).
-I am an experienced photographer with jobs lined up, and jobs under my belt (though, as a type A perfectionist, I always think I could have done better....wait. My boyfriend, over my shoulder, is humming something about sabotage, and taking points off for deviation, so skip that last parenthesee...parentheses? What is the word that goes there?)
-I spend my free time learning. I will not be defeated by America's obsession with mushy brains and TV saturated culture
-I have travelled. This year alone I've seen Ireland and Mexico. That's a good year. I've seen Austria, Prague, Bratislava, various towns in Germany and the Netherlands, Norway, Jamaica and Canada. In each place I learned that I am not defined by what I do or what people think, because no one there knew me, so it didn't matter.
-I have great friends. Friends that don't try to fix everything, but let me freak out and love me anyway. Laugh with me, cry with me, Irish dance with me in pubs in Dublin far into the night.
-I have amazing family, who are getting to know me better through this blog. I have spent a lot of my adult life away from them physically. But they're great people who let me be myself and encourage me, even if they would rather I gave up and came to live with/near them.
-I'm fairly intelligent. I can keep a conversation going without looking like a total fool....well usually. There are a few exceptions that will remain nameless, or already discussed in this blog earlier (ooh ooh! Remember the time I called a potential employer to follow up on an app, and couldn't tell if it was a man or woman by their name on the voicemail, so I ended up panicking, jumping up and down waiting for the beep b/c I couldn't use my salutation? That was hilarious...it came out like ".......hi!").
-I can sing (again, with one exception in Dublin; thank you, wonderful Irish musician friends for seeing me for more than that moment), and enjoy singing when I do (though try to keep my voice down for the neighbors; a courtesy they don't share :P)
-I can play piano. I can really play piano, and I love pounding on it when I'm freaked out (though I haven't in a while). I also have been known to write some tunes and even a couple of songs!!
-My health has steadily improved since I left my previous job, and almost seems manageable. I have a lot more days where I feel good.
-I no longer have mold in my house, and symptoms that are ignored by my landlord/employers. Plus my house is not slowly sliding down the hill in the back, and no one is ignoring that either.
-I can sit with my boyfriend and have fun, intelligent, witty conversations, and we don't seem to get bored with each other. That's nice.
-I am not alone. It may feel that way; it may feel like no one knows I exist and no one returns my calls or letters, but I am not alone. Just because I have more time than everyone else to stare at my phone does not mean I am alone.
-I am not a loser. I am funny and smart, and I have the love of a turtle. I think. Turtles are hard to read. I definitely have the love of a dog, and the tolerance of a cat. That's a big deal.
-I can COOK. I can Bake. I can really make some delicious food.
-I have a garden that gives me ample food and opportunity to photograph it's inhabitants. Due to this phenomenon, I have become much less afraid of crawlies and bugs. Spiders are still a force, though. Working on that one.
I have always known that my life holds many paradoxes; take the name of this blog. "Is This Really My Life: Bright Side Blogs." I'm a constant yin and yang, always contradicting myself, but still being true. I'm actually ok with that. I know I make little sense to the world, but to me I'm mappable. :)
So I have a "shoo-in" position that is apparently waiting for me (annoying side note: I always wrote "shoe-in" until Thursday, when I learned it's "shoo-in" from an aged term in horse racing; when a horse was rigged to win, all you had to do was "shoo" him to the finish line...learning all the time). I went in on Thursday and applied for it, on a 4x6 note card, shortest application ever. I joked with the guy behind the counter, I was smooth and funny, I did my hair, I wore a nice outfit, and I have not had a call. Keep in mind this is the guy that said all I had to do was fill out the app and I was in. There's no reason for no call right now :) I bet he's on vacation. On the bright side, I don't have to ask for next weekend off, when my family comes to visit. That should make things easier. See? Back to my old self already.
Today I drink my tea to all of those people in limbo, just waiting for something to happen; the zombies that wander until something comes to interrupt their waking sleep. I'm not much for waitng; it's not my thing. Maybe that's why I've been waiting so long, because I need to learn the art of waiting. See, paradox, yet it is what it is. Cheers!
Song of the day:
Stand Down Margaret by English Beat, as a fun reminder to myself.
http://listen.grooveshark.com/#/song/Stand_Down_Margaret/11691502
More learning to come... ( singular is 'parenthesis'; plural is 'parentheses'. The whole thesis/theses game.
ReplyDeleteAh! Chris! Thank you! I should have known that!
ReplyDeleteIn the words of Carmen (The Three Amigos) You are very great!
ReplyDeleteAwe, too bad for Macy's; their loss. Truly. You would have been a great asset for them,
ReplyDeleteeven if you were only working part time. What is with the, you would want to advance thing? My thinking is anyone who cares about the job or organization or themselves would like to advance. Those who don’t aren’t very creative or, and I have worked with many of them, they are lazy, only getting paid to do the minimum with a “why rock the boat” mentality. Sometimes we just need a job and we can understand that advancement, at least at the moment isn’t available, but to take away all hope for future advancement is short sighted.
You always give 110 % to any job. If there is something you don’t know you learn about it and get it done. You are a great people person. It's true you like to advance, but it is because you like a challenge. You are not lazy and don’t like to just keep things as they are because it is easier or comfortable or doesn’t require much from you. You like to keeps things moving forward and bettering a place, not fixing the things that work that aren’t broken, but making the things that aren’t working work better. You have a way of making people feel relaxed and you have the gift of encouragement.
You forgot to mention that you play the violin, you are a good writer, a radio personality that when on-air had followers... by the way they still talk about you and miss you 8 years later! I think you should get back into radio, public radio or do “Everyone Has a Story” kind of pieces. You have a great voice that would make listening to any announcement enjoyable. You have terrific organization skills. You have a sense of humor & you are witty... the intelligent humor type of witty and you are...I know you hate this word, but ... cute! Some lucky person or organization will eventually discover you, your personality and your skills and you will both be happy!